AS I WAS SAYING...
Brendan Behan once described himself as a 'daytime atheist'. He affected the posture of a drunken, degenerate lout, but that was only part of the story. Beneath that carefully cultivated veneer lay a deeply religious (perhaps superstitious!) soul. In fact many of his best stories -like 'The Confirmation Suit'- revolved around some religious theme or other. He had a great eye for the ridiculous, particularly in matters religious In one of his books he recalls a journey through Limerick on 'closing night' of the Redemptorist City Mission. Brendan's progress through the city was seriously hampered by the closing Procession which was making its way slowly through the streets. Brendan cursed his luck (under his breath, of course) until his attention was drawn to a religious banner being carried aloft. The inscription on the banner read: "God Bless the Sacred Heart". As far as Brendan was concerned, the delay was well worth it. He had hit on a gem! And that gem would be well and truly polished in his next book.
Recent happenings in our own little church here brought Behan's story to mind. As you know, some weeks ago we moved the statue of the Sacred Heart from its customary plinth in his own chapel to a new temporary location beside his good friend St. Jude. Before departing on my recent pilgrimage, I was confronted by three ladies at the back of the Church: "When are you putting the Sacred Heart back in his proper place?" one asked with no great hope in her eyes. The second lady had a more serious complaint: "I came in to say a prayer to the Sacred Heart for the First Friday. I looked up and all I saw in his place was the Blessed Sacrament.!" God Bless the Sacred Heart indeed! (Over the past year or so, it has been our practice to expose the Blessed Sacrament in the Sacred Heart Chapel for First Fridays.) The third lady had what was potentially a more dangerous tale to tell: "I went into St. Jude to say a few prayer and the Sacred Heart nearly frightened the life out of me!" ('Heart Attack' entered my mind immediately!) It has to be admitted that the statue is an imposing presence in that enclosed little space! My own heart has missed the odd beat on that same account!!
Matters can get very complex (and very funny too) when we over-personalise our images and our statues. Has Our Lady of Lourdes met Our Lady of Knock recently? That sort of thing can be rather confusing.
The same applies to the Sacred Heart of course. When, as planned, the Sacred Heart Chapel becomes the Blessed Sacrament Chapel in the forthcoming renovations, will all hell break loose, so to speak? The Sacred Heart statue will certainly be moved. Will this be interpreted -in some religiously perverse way- as a personal snub to a well-loved figure? The Blessed Sacrament promoted over the head of the Sacred Heart! Some exciting debates and discussions await us.
-Dick Lyng.
MATTERS OF INTEREST
- CHURCH REORDERING: The Church renovations group will meet again at 5.30 on Monday night in the Priory. A plumber and heating expert will address and advise the group that night.
- ANNUAL NOVENA: Thanks to all who helped out with the Annual Novena to Our Lady of Good Counsel: to Gerry and Cathal for the nightly music, to Peg, Teresa, Margaret and Mary for the flowers, the choir for the lovely Mass on the closing night, and of course above all, to the preacher Jackie Power. Nine nights in succession is a major commitment. Thanks Jackie.
- VANDALISM: Quite an amount of damage was done to the shrines in the church here on Sunday afternoon last. The church is very vulnerable at that time since a lot of our regulars change their usual daily pattern to visit their families for lunch, or whatever. The motivation behind the vandalism was obviously money. We have not idea of the actual amount they secured but -it is painful to admit this- they had a profitable afternoon enough (for a Sunday, that is!) Perhaps we should have a closer look at security arrangements for Sunday afternoons?
- VOLUNTEERS REQUIRED: On Tuesday night next, we need a great variety of volunteers at 8.00 in the Priory. We will have the first reading of our Summer Play for this year, "The Gobán and the Holy Monks." The title is provisional! We need front-stage and back-stage people, hunters and hod-carriers, aeronauts and acrobats. See you all at 8.00!
THE BEST MEDICINE
British Association for the Advancement of Science (BAAS) announced a plan last September to discover the world's funniest joke. A special web site was created where visitors could submit jokes and vote on those already available for judgment. By December 20th 2001, over 100,000 people from 70 countries had visited the site, submitted a total of 10,000 jokes and rated them on a specially designed "laughometer". The Laugh Lab's winning entry, billed as the funniest joke in the world, was the following:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce". Watson (irked by Holmes's record of brilliant deductions, decides to make a special effort): "I see millions of stars, and even if few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes: "Watson, you idiot, somebody's stolen our tent!"Thirty-two per cent of visitors to the website were British, 30 per cent were in the US, and the rest were from Canada, Australia, Germany and other places. About 47,000 people thought that the Sherlock Holmes/Dr Watson joke was the funniest. And indeed it is funny - but the funniest joke in the world? I doubt it. I thought that the joke ranked a close second was slightly funnier:
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. The other whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps out to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"Germany topped the laughometer league, belying the stereotype of the people with the least developed sense of humour. Dr Wiseman also reports a sharp divergence in what men and women think is funny. Men prefer humour showing passion and sexual innuendo, and women prefer verbal play.
Ten-year-olds are also very fond of basic word play, for example:
"Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He got pulled under by a very strong currant".Different countries favoured different types of jokes. For example, the British plumped for a "Carry On" style of humour, while the French participants preferred the cynicism of:
- William Reville in The Irish Times, 11.04.2002
"You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"
"Absolutely! What's the second question?"
Now I hope you feel better.
Memorable Quotes
- "Little things affect little minds." -Benjamin Disraeli.
- "To treat your facts with imagination is one thing; to imagine your facts is another." -John Burroughs.
- "If I had to choose between him and a cockroach as a companion for a walking-tour, the cockroach would have had it by a short head."- P.G. Wodehouse.
- "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. ....I want to achieve immortality through not dying.." -Woody Allen.
- "I used be Snow White....but fortunately I drifted." -Mae West.
- "Mother always told me my day would come, but she could never have dreamt that I would end up being the shortest knight of the year." -Jockey Gordon Richards (on being knighted).
- "God created woman. And boredom did indeed cease from that moment. But many other things ceased as well. Woman was God's second mistake." -Friedrich Nietzsche.
- "Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realised how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level." -Quentin Crisp.
PIED BEAUTY
Glory be to God for dappled things -
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches' wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced -fold, fallow, and plough;
And all trades, their gear and tackle trim
All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
Praise him.
-Gerard Manley Hopkins
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