Feast of the Holy Family
Today is the feast of the Holy Family - a day for us to honour Mary, Joseph and Jesus as a family unit. It has become the practice for many priests, myself not excluded, to use the occasion to say a few words about the family and family life. I presume there are many priests up and down the country who will do some spectacular solo-runs on family values today. There is a temptation to use the family at Nazareth as the model of the idea family which we can attempt to emulate.
But there is no perfect family template - and of course it is also dangerous to look back nostalgically and think that family life was idyllic long ago. Nostalgia is a great parachute: if reality gets too tough, pull the rip cord and glide off on a cloud of nostalgia.
Once the door of the home is closed it is only those inside who know exactly what goes on and even within that house there can be still more inner circles. Inside far too many homes there have been dark secrets. It is only in recent years that we are getting a glimpse of some of the terror that can prevail inside a home.
The only home that we know anything about is the one we have experienced ourselves. And that simply becomes the norm for us.
Our family life plays a significant role in moulding us and making us into what we are in our adult lives. Have you ever noticed how often we do and say exactly what our parents did and said? Every time we gather as a family now, I marvel more and more at how more like my father my brothers are getting, or how much like my mother my sisters are getting as we all grow older. Interestingly enough, I myself rarely show up at the identity parade (in my own mind at any rate!) As we grow older, we find ourselves saying and doing the very things we criticised in them!
We don't choose our parents or our siblings. Sometimes the combination works like a dream; sometimes it is filled with pain and anguish. At this time of year there is great pressure on people to believe that there is the perfect family and we all need to be in harmony and concord with one another. Life is not like that.
But as with every aspect of the Christian message, we believe that God's grace offers us a new possibility. The Incarnation makes God present in the world. Through Jesus Christ it is possible to give a new vision to our relationships within the family.
St Paul in his letter to the Colossians writes: "Bear with one another; forgive each other as soon as a quarrel begins. The Lord has forgiven you; now you must do the same" (Col 3:13) Whether or not we see eye-to-eye with our family we can try putting into practice the words of St Paul.
The Book of Ecclesiasticus also offers us wise words that we could do well to harbour in our minds and hearts: "Whoever respects his father is atoning for his sins, he who honours his mother is like someone amassing a fortune." Later in that passage we read: "Support your father in his old age, do not grieve him during his life. Even if his mind should fail, show him sympathy, do not despise him in your health and strength; for kindness to a father shall not be forgotten but will serve as reparation for your sins." (Ecclesiasticus 3:3,12-14). Obviously the same goes for our mothers. Caring for our parents has nothing to do with momentary emotional outbursts but all to do with being there in the long term, offering them love and respect and, where necessary shelter.
In a world that is always looking for sensational news of the famous, the infamous and the great, we can easily underestimate the importance of the day-to-day commitment of living in the family and caring for our parents in old age. We can play our part in spreading the news of the goodness and greatness of God in our own family circle in a way that is fitting and real for us. In that context there is always the possibility to express God's love.
Acknowledgements to M.C. in 'Thinking Aloud', The Irish Times, 29/12/07.